At 6:58pm Eastern time last night, Facebook acquaintance and sophomore sociology major Sean Stevens reported that if you don’t vote in the upcoming presidential election then you have no right to complain about the trajectory of the nation. Stevens, who bravely displays the Human Rights Campaign logo as his profile picture, went on to provide a hard-to-find link for online voter registration.
“Sean is totally right,” maintained Erin Murphy, who has been known to share videos of Robert Downey Jr. pretending to be exasperated about having to tell people again that they should vote. “He’s being woke AF, and people are just so apathetic.”
Stevens, who has never volunteered at a soup kitchen or tutored underachieving 5^th graders after school, considers voting once every four years to be the pinnacle of civic engagement. “The government gives you the right to vote,” added Stevens, forgetting for the umpteenth time that the government is supposed to protect rights, not grant them, and is legitimated by (and only by) the consent of the governed. “I learned that once in civics class.”
When pressed for comment about John Locke, the political philosopher credited with theorizing the concept of natural rights, Stevens responded, “I didn’t really like LOST, so I didn’t watch past the first season. Not sure what this has to do with voting.”
This story is developing.